Oliver's Diary
by AmeHimeTori
Summary: Complete and total crack-fic. Explanation inside. It'd hard to give it a summary... Naru's diary entries while on cases and such... Enjoy!


_(A/N: Hey Guys! I decided to post this after re-reading it and i thought i should share a bit of what's going on inside the heads of the awesome-est people i know. My sisters. We collaborated to create this beautiful crack-fic... I gave my sister the challenge to "write about what you think Naru writes in his notebook." I didn't give her a specific way of writing about the subject and this is what became of my prompt. I kinda took the idea from this other fic i was reading and they(the author) had said that they had wondered what exactly Naru wrote about in his book and yeah... This is the outcome. Hope you enjoy!)_

 _(Warning: You'll probably laugh really hard...and loud.)_

 _(This was written by: flyingtoupee2012, GiggleMaster13, and last but certainly not least, sir-M-smarty106. And Me, AmeHime1798.)_

 _(Disclaimer: We own nothing.)_

 _ **Naru's Diary.**_  
 **  
Tuesday, March/8/2005 08:00hrs  
Case Number: 47**  
Once again on another case with this lot of idiots. John is currently in front of me picking at his nose when he thinks i can't see...Wait, he just wiped a large booger on the bottom of his chair. Well I need to give him some credit, at least he didn't eat it. (Sometimes when i'm hungry i look for a snack in my nose.) Sometimes I wonder about his intelligence, he doesn't seem too bright. The other day I found him talking to his teacup, seeking advice about girls. I wonder what it's answer was?

 **Wednesday, March/9/2005 13:00hrs  
Case Number: 47**  
This case doesn't seem to be going anywhere. In fact I'm not even sure there's a case here. Just some crazy old lady who's been sniffing too much cat litter.  
Mai's been ogling me again. Not sure why, since my nose is crooked and my hair is greasy. I can't remember the last time i washed it. Maybe two weeks ago. I didn't think she was the type to like greasy men. But I guess you can never really tell.  
There's a kind of smell too that doesn't seem to be going away no matter where I move. maybe...yeah it's me, that shower is starting to look very good about now. I'm going to go do that...right now.

 **Wednesday, March/9/2005 15:00hrs**  
 **Case Number: 47**  
 _Continuation from earlier..._  
So I'm clean once again. It might have been longer than two weeks, the water was running brown off my body. Lin walked in on me in the shower as I was shaving my legs. Good thing it was him and not someone else. That may have been a tad hard to explain.  
I suspect John may be shaving his legs also. Yesterday I noticed, as he was pulling on his shoes, stubble. on his ankle. I'm tempted to ask him about it.  
The thought of waxing has crossed my mind, a few minutes of mindless pain and then no shaving for one to two months? sounds worth it to me, just not sure where to buy said wax with out people seeing me...

 **Thursday, March/10/2005 07:00hrs**  
 _In between cases_  
Finally that ridiculous case is over and done with. The smell of cats was starting to make me nauseous. I thought only pregnant women got nauseous. But apparently not, since i'm almost positive i am neither of those things...almost.

 **Friday, March/11/2005 06:00hrs**  
Turns out that it isn't just pregnant women who get nauseous. I've been poisoned by the terrible Thai takeout Lin suggested we get for dinner the other night. I feel horrible. I'm going to hurl. I haven't stopped pooping since last night. With those horrible earth shattering farts that no one should ever witness.  
Sadly I've witnessed them many times, since Lin seems to have a serious problem. Really, he should get that checked.  
I've been spending so much time with the toilet that i've been thinking of naming it. But nothing seems to fit just how important it has become in my life.  
Porscha comes to mind. Or Whitney...maybe Clarissa. I'm in such a dilemma.

 **Saturday, March/12/2005 10:00hrs  
** _Outing..._  
I've been dragged out of the office today, on a "team outing". Apparently we need some "bonding time". Which I find ridiculous since we practically live together. I could be doing something useful with my saturday, like looking at pictures of baby fish online. One of my favorite past-times. I love how slimy and sticky they look. Theres nothing better.

 **Tuesday, March/16/2005 14:00hrs**  
Mai is glaring at me. I think I preferred her ogling. She's evil, she has tried to kill me. Instead of my earl grey she brought me a coffee. COFFEE?! I'm not an old lady, I do not drink coffee.  
Sometimes I drink chocolate milk. Or warm milk and honey when I can't sleep, now that's a mans drink.

 **Sunday, March/21/2005 08:00hrs**  
Dear Diary,  
I think Mai poisoned me. That coffee had me on the toilet for a whole night. I think she added milk to the mix... Did i mention i'm lactose intolerant? Lin insisted i see a doctor. Thus the time skip since my last entry. And since my admittance to this horrible place i haven't had a moment's peace! Mai, Father Brown, Takigawa, Miss Matsuzaki, and Miss Hara and Yasuhara have been driving me crazy! And to top it off, my bedpan overflowed! I had to shower for, four hours straight!  
I'm debating firing Mai... that little troll.  
 *******

 **END(of Chapter. PM me and let me know, if you want more.)**

 _(A/N: Sorry if there are any mistakes... I read through it a couple of times but i could have missed some so... Let me know. Oh! And review if you laughed so hard you fell out of your chair.)_


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